“How are you?”
they ask the most simple question and I?
I don’t have an answer

for my “fine”
will be shot down with a demand of an answer that’s drenched with honesty

so I open my mouth again
a truthful answer of
“I’ve been sad.” 
or “I feel like shit.”
or “I feel fine until I’m left alone with my thoughts for anything more than a minute before I drown in my own tears.”
almost creeps out of my mouth
almost

its stopped
as usual
by logic
which has finally stepped in
reminding me of the question that comes after I bear my soul to someone
“Why?”
and god that’s the only one I can’t bear to answer
because there’s nothing I can tell them without hearing criticism or
advice

I can’t say,” its because the voices in my head won’t let me smile without making me cry right after.”
I can’t say,” its because my words feel like they don’t carry any meaning anymore.”
I can’t say that,” it’s because it feels like someone threw me a blanket of sadness
and its covering me
it could choke me .”

because I won’t hear a single
“You’re going to be okay”
no
all I’ll hear is choruses of
“Oh but that doesn’t matter right?”
or “You should get out of the house more.”
or “Why don’t you find something that makes you happy?”

and I can’t hear that again
and again
and again
because fuck

I have tried
I try
all I can do to fight is fucking try
but I suppose my way of trying is nothing at all to you
even if its the only thing keeping me here

so please
when you ask me your surface question of
“How are you?”
take my surface answer of
“I’m fine.”
because I don’t think you can handle anything deeper than that
and neither can I.

-7:32pm; 4/6/16

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