I saw a peice of writing the other day,
it was along the lines of
“i love you so much i can’t breathe,
so forgive me for leaving,
i just want to breathe again”,

it reminded me of you.

i loved you so much i would’ve done anything for you but i mean,
that’s what the say about first loves,
they’re obsessive and strong,
they hit you harder than you can possibly imagine and by the time you stand back up its gone,
it fills every empty part of you and leaves you gasping for air with every touch,
it makes you feel like every part of you is filled with her magic and the second she turns away,
it’s all your fault.

i loved you so much i couldn’t fucking breathe,
i can’t count a number of times I’ve said that while I was with you,
my chest either filled with too much love or overwhelming panic every time,
regardless- at least once a day I was gasping for air,
even when you left.
it’s like there was a vacuum and i was choking,
no more warmth or love
regardless of the pain they both came with,
it wasn’t there and I couldn’t hold anything.

and now she’s here,
and I can breathe with her
I can say I’m in love and breathe as well,
I never thought that that was actually possible,
for some reason I thought to hurt was a part of loving but man,
with her its easy,
I’m falling and I’m fucking breathing and,
and shit is it fucking amazing.

she touches me and my breath catches
my body floods with warmth and a part of me gets scared that my breath will stop again but no,
she tells me of the things she believes in and I know im fucked because my breath might stop again because I’m so in love but no,

my heart is so warm and so full,
and she’s holding my hand instead of being my backbone,
she tells me to breathe,
she tells me I’m worth my own love,
more than she is and
she shows me everyday,
she shows me how to breathe and how to love,
she’s more than I deserve and i-
i love her.

i hope my love lets her breathe as well.

-dec sometime i think, 2016