there are some things i want you to know
i dont know if you’re ready to listen to anything just yet
im putting it here-
hopefully i get to read it to you some day.

you told me that
everything hurts
your heart hurts
your body hurts
you told me that youre tired of having to be so strong

we’re all so tired of that;

“be strong beta it’ll be okay”
“you’re always so strong, it’s amazing”
“the more you pull through the stronger you’ll become”

what if we dont want to be strong anymore?
i know you dont.

i know that though youve got the strength of an ocean,
the force of the current sweeping through you every fucking second of the day without a break
gets painful

strength becomes less of a something that helps you overcome-
you end up needing strength to be strong
and wow does that get old

you told me that you considered giving up,
that having people around you doesn’t make you feel less lonely,
rather it adds to it
because most of these people dont care about you
they care about the services you provide to them
the advice,
and the holding them while they cry,
not the problems you face
and the pain you carry with you.

i dont know where i was going with this but

i just want you to know 3 things

its okay to stop being strong,
sob in the corner of your room and curse everything under the sun
because though we are taught that weakness is fatal-
its the only way we can survive

be kind,
not to everyone who comes knocking at your door asking for
a favor
a shoulder to cry on
or for you to listen to them for hours,
but to yourself,
recognize the pain in your chest and give yourself the name you’ve been giving out like your name card

remember that the only thing you can control is yourself,
everyones going to do as they fucking please
and not think twice about how you feel so
save yourself some energy baby-
focus on you
your breath
and how it,
like everything else is going to
keep going
and how you
are surviving.

im proud of you
and i cant wait to see your stupid beautiful ass face

-12/4/17; 1pm