isn’t it so funny how
when I said
“no”
it was so easy for you to say
“okay,
sorry”
before repeating your actions,
and acting surprised when a “no” left my lips again,
this time
accompanied by my hands physically removing yours off my skin- it’s as if my resistance was a joke

do you know how disgusting it is?
to see my body in the mirror
and almost immediately think of
how you touched me?
hands desperately reaching
for all the places i made forbidden to your hands
and then the entire thing plays in my head
again and again,

do you remember the text you sent me the night after?
saying you were sorry?
and that i didn’t deserve that and that
you are losing sleep over what you did to me?

i was going to reply
but then i realized
that
what youre loosing sleep over tonight
is what’ll keep me up for years for all i know

while you forget my name, face and the body you tarnished,
your name will haunt me,
your face will become a face im so accustomed to seeing in my dreams it will feel like i know you and my body,
wont feel like mine anymore

i understand that this poem isnt the most cohesive
but then again no part of this is-
in attempt to make it better though,
heres a list

1) for days i felt okay,
this didnt even bother me for awhile,
till i panicked one fine day,
lost my ability to breathe-
didnt realize that when you took my no for a try harder
my breathe went away too.

2)i was taught that
when you say no to someone
they will stop doing
whatever it is
but look at what you did.

3)my mind and being said “no
but my body still reacted to your touch
even i betrayed myself.

they say everything happens for a reason,
and i should grow from this,
learn from it

but why should i learn from someone who compelled me to forget?

why should i learn from something that could do this to  me?

-may 6th 2017, 2:47pm
with coffee.

 

 

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