ive got a stalker
and i know it sounds ridiculous but
hear me out

he wears a long black duster coat
a tweed black hat
and perpetually has a pain of sunglasses on
just to cover his eyes all the time

the shades help to some degree,
ive never seen his eyes properly,
but theyre a light colour
a disgusting medley of grey and blue
theyre so bright
and piercing
they stare right through me
my body as as translucent as the colour seems to be when he looks at me,
my thoughts naked.

hes been following me for about 5 years
at least
i think its been 5 years
i wasnt too aware of his presence before that but
he mightve been there

it feels like hes always around

he makes his presence scarce
visibly at least

but i can always feel him,
he makes sure of it

the only way i can describe the way i feel his presence
is through inadequate imaginary circumstances
so

it feels like there’s a thread around your neck
its a clear thread
no one can see it
you cant half the time
but every time you forget
the thread gets slightly tighter
so you constantly feel like youre about to choke
even though the thread is too thin to actually do any harm
and though no one can see it-
its almost like youre imagining all of it

sometimes he forgets too
forgets that hes got a leash on me
i go days sometimes
when i feel free
its nice
on those days i write my happiest poems
but then he remembers
as he always does
tugs on my thread to make sure i know

he gets careless with it occasionally
leaves a red mark
so people can see the ghost of a leash
brings up too many questions

prefers playing games in the dark
he likes watching me search for him

i try asking for help
to look i mean
but to his glee
im met with the same answers,
“ignore it itll go away”
or
“go for a walk,
it wont touch you then”

they dont understand,
if i go for a walk,
he’ll be 4 steps behind me
as always
watching

and if i stop thinking about him
a tug at my throat will easily take my breath away

either ways hes still there

forgot to mention his name by the way,
its anxiety
im sure youve met him.

-29/6/17
camerons

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